The Princess Bride
by YinYangofthePeaceCircle
Summary: Princess Bride Parody! Kanaye is sick, so Katana tells his son the story of Gutsy and Aiko, Smrfs in love. Gutsy has left his precious mate in the city with her unborn child. But when Gutsy is killed by the Dread Pirate Grouchy, and Aiko unwillingly engaged to Prince Architect, can their true love really win out in the end? GutsyXOC


The Princess Bride

* * *

_Chapter One_

_Story of Love_

* * *

Katana strolled into his son's room. Kanaye looked pissed. His face was pale except for the red burn in his cheeks and the sweat beading his forehead. A thermometer was sticking out of Kanaye's mouth, revealing a temperature of only 99 degrees.

Katana looked around and found the culprit; his son probably stuck the thermometer in his glass of ice water in an attempt to fool his mother into thinking he wasn't sick.

"Can't go to your competition, eh, sport?" he asked, voice sad and sympathetic.

"It's not fair!" Kanaye exploded. "I've been working on that song for weeks, and now I don't have a chance because of a few degrees!"

"Be honest. That thermometer took a swim in the ice water, right?"

"...Maybe," Kanaye allowed at last. "But it's still not fair!"

"I know." Katana pulled a chair up beside Kanaye's bed. "But I have an idea.

How about your old man tells you a story?" Katana held up a book.

"'The Princess Bride'?" Kanaye asked skeptically. "Sounds girly, more up Ukyo's alley."

"Only the title," Katana assured his son brightly. "Murder, monsters, sword fighting, miracles, and true love."

"Sounds okay," Kanaye said at last, settling back in his bed.

"Oh, thank you very much," Katana said sarcastically. "Your vote of confidence is overwhelming."

* * *

_Long ago, in the Kingdom of Florence, there lived a beautiful farmgirl who did not think she was of any worth. Her parents were cruel and, among beating her, forced her to do almost all of the chores._

_But there was someone who saw a midnight star where others saw only muck. His name was Gutsy, and he was a poor farmboy who tended the horses belonging to the farmgirl's father..._

He would do whatever she asked, but he never said anything besides, "As you wish."

The girl, Aiko, always became sad when he said this, because she knew no one respected her. But she liked the kind, helpful smile he gave her when he said the words.

"Gutsy?" Aiko asked, "could you polish my father's saddle?"

"As you wish," Gutsy murmured.

"Gutsy? Could you feed the chickens?"

"As you wish."

"Gutsy? Could you brush my father's horse?"

"As you wish."

On and on this went, for months that stretched into years. So it came as a great shock to poor Aiko when she came to realize that when Gutsy said _'As you wish'_, what he really meant was, _'I love you'_.

And it was an even greater shock to realize that she loved him in return.

Aiko began admitting everything to Gutsy, from her parent's abuse to her father's personal tortures.

Gutsy would hold her in his arms after such things and whisper his promises of love in her ears while she clutched his plaid sash in her hands and cried into his chest.

When Aiko found she was pregnant, with her father's child, she hid from her love, convinced she would now be alone with nosmurf to help her care for her for her infant.

When Gutsy finally did find her, he promised never to abandon her. He declared that he would raise Aiko's son or daughter as his own, without treating them any different than he would a child by blood. But he did not have enough money to support Aiko and raise her baby. And of course they couldn't stay on the farm any longer, with fear of Aiko's evil mother and father discovering the child and killing it. So he hid his pregnant love in the City of Florence, and promised to return when he had enough to keep them alive.

"But how do you know you'll come back?" Aiko whimpered, sitting in a cushy armchair in the parlor of the small flat Gutsy had managed to buy, her thin, pale blue hands folded over her slowly growing stomach.

"This is true love, Aiko," Gutsy reminded her gently, wiping away the small tears pricking at her pretty ice blue eyes behind her half-moon glasses with his thumb and placing a protective hand on her swollen belly. "True love always wins out in the end."

And with that, Gutsy had left.

But a few weeks later, Aiko learned the brave Scottish Smurf was killed by the Dread Pirate Grouchy, who never left survivors.  
It was then that Aiko made a solemn promise to herself and her fallen Smurf: "I shall never love again."

~(*)~

Five years passed. In that time frame, Aiko gave birth to Akina, a beautiful, healthy little girl. She was a small, dark-haired, icy-blue-eyed The child was bright and clever, and kind and sweet. She was also now the only ray of sunshine in her mother's bleak life.

Prince Architect, who could choose whomever he wished to be his bride, had picked Aiko to be his queen. But she did not love him.

If anything, she hated the prince. She had given him four scars on his cheek when he had first met her. She expected to be executed on the spot, but he had merely smiled, commented on her fiery nature, and left to get a drink. Aiko had tried to encourage Akina to give the prince a chance, mostly out of fear of what the prince would do if he decided he did not like her daughter.

But Akina didn't like the prince any more than her mother did. She was never hungry, she dressed in extravagant colors, had all the books and toys in the great castle to entertain herself with... And she was absolutely miserable. "But Momma," she would squeak to Aiko, "why would I wanna be a princess if you don't get YOUR Prince Charming?"

* * *

"Akina's smart," Kanaye interrupted. "Architect sounds like quite the bastard for a prince."

"Don't let your mother catch you swearing," Katana chastised, glancing at his son's open bedroom door.

* * *

_The prince promised Aiko would learn to love him, but she still only found happimess in seeing Akina's excitement as the rode through the many forests of the Kingdom of Florence._

One day they wer riding near a grove of trees, Akina seated on the saddle in front of her mother.

Three Smurfs stepped in front of the horse, and Aiko quickly pulled on the reins to bring the equestrian to a halt.

"Hello, Ma'am," said one, with a large belt with a gold buckle. "We are but lowly circus people, looking for food and shelter. Is there a village nearby?"

"There is nothing nearby. Not for miles," Aiko replied firmly.

"Good," purred the Smurf with the belt as one with tattoos reached for Aiko and Akina. "Then there shall be no one to hear you scream."

~(*)~

Hunter and Hefty watched as Tuffy tied some cloth to the horse's saddlebag and smacked its rump sharply to get it moving.

"There," Tuffy said gleefully as the horse charged off into the trees, "When that horse gets back to the palace, everyone will assume the two princesses were kidnapped by Gilder! And by the time they get here, we'll be long gone, heading to Gilder's shores to murder the pair."

"Why exactly are we kiling them on Gilder's shores?" Hunter asked, gazing sympathetically at Aiko and her daughter, the latter of whom was laying in her mother's lap.

"Because!" Tuffy snapped. "We're going to start a WAR between GILDER and FLORENCE. Dead royalty usually gets that done pretty quickly."

"...Right." Hunter shook his head. This was wrong! He had no quarrel with Princess Aiko, or her small daughter Akina!

Hefty looked at him. "Tuffy isn't very nice."

Hunter smirked. "Perhaps he's made of ice."

Hefty grinned excitedly, pleased that Hunter was playing the game with him.

"He should try to sleep," Hefty suggested, eager to see what Hunter could come up with for that.

"He's worried his worried his dinner will not keep."

Tuffy was busy getting their ship ready to sail. "Do something useful, why don't you?!"

Just because he was still pissed about what Tuffy was doing, Hunter decided to continue. "Hefty! Are there rocks ahead?" he asked as they pulled away from the bank.

"If there are, we'll all be dead," Hefty declared cheerfully.

"No more rhyming now! I mean it!" Tuffy snapped furiously.

"Anybody want a peanut?" Hefty asked.

"ARRGHH!" Tuffy screeched as Hunter tried to hide his amused snickers behind his hand.


End file.
